I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
