Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
