This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
