I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
