I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
