Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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