Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We need to get me chipped asap
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
