Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
