My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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