Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
