Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize