The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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