i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
