O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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