well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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