I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize