The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
