that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
