Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
