i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
