I wish you could order shots online.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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