i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
