Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
