It's Friday. Sex?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize