burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
