he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
