Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
