If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
