Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize