You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
