There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
