True but thats because hes a fetus.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
