some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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