:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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