Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
OPIZZABONMYDICK
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
