You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
