It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
