i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
