absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
