3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
