By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
