She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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