You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
