don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
