farters have to be the big spoon...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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