So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
