Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
