I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
