Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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