So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
