Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The best walk of shames are on the highway
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
