I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
