Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
