Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
my liver is dry heaving
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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