I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
