In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
