Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
