I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
