P.S. I can't hear my feet
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
