if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
