Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
