a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
