i just had sex bonerless
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
