It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just found a bag of teeth...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
