What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
