Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
