you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
