Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Come share oat with me in your robe
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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