the day after is always just damage control
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
