I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
