By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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