yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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