shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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