Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
