I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
