having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
