Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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