Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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